Just In Case We Are All Red Dust Tomorrow

In about 45 minutes or three hours from now, according to scientists, the Earth will pass through a dust cloud left behind by a comet for the last couple of centuries. The actual scientific explanation can be found here.

In the 1980s, according to man of the house, there was a very bad movie,made about this very scenario. Turns out that the comet cloud was radioactive or whatever, so all of the people on Earth turned into red dust.

I’m of the mindset that the meteor shower that the scientific community is hoping to experience as we travel through this cloud will probably be a bust, just like the time that NASA tried to bomb the moon a few years ago. However, because I am the type of person who likes to be open to all possibilities, here are a few things that I’d like to go on the record before I am red dust:

1.) I do not want to survive any sort of apocalypse. I have watched enough Walking Dead and other doomsday-type sci-fi to know that if the end is coming, I will be first in line for the zombie bait volunteer squad. Maybe I’m a snob, but I don’t want to struggle in some shit day to day existence, constantly running for my life, if human extinction is the inevitable end. I’m sure there were a few hardcore dinosaurs who were like “this mysterious thing that caused our extinction isn’t gonna get me down, man”. But guess what? Those dinosaurs are extinct now too. Just sayin.

2.) If it is the end, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I think I’ve done a decent job of keeping my karma clean. I try to be a good person and treat others with respect. I’ve worked hard to become well-educated and to share knowledge with those around me. I give back to my community when I can. I try to be a bright spot in humanity. Beyond that, the little humans I’ve raised to this point know they are loved, are full of integrity, and are the reason I live to see each new day. I’m hoping that whatever species studies the planet millions of years ago will look at the anthropological evidence I leave behind and be like, “You know what, she had her own way of doing it, but that red dust speck kind of had her shit together.”

3.) If this is not the end, I am ready to keep on keepin on. I would hope that no one reads this post and thinks that I am hoping to become zombie dust. Believe me, I still have a long list of stuff I need to get done over the long weekend and I haven’t cancelled any appointments on account of the world ending. I mean, really, I’ve survived Y2K and 12-12-12. Comet clouds ain’t got nothing on that.

So, thanks to my non-existent attention span, I’ve got about five minutes before I’m headed outside to see what will or will not happen tonight. See you on the other side, bitches!

Update:  If you haven’t heard, we made it through seemingly unscathed. I saw more meteors last night than I’ve ever seen before and they were pretty awesome. I’m glad humanity still exists, but it would have been nice to not have to do so much drywalling today. First world problems, right?

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Sorry, not this time.

So, I am really loving this whole zerotohero thing. It has pushed me to do things that I otherwise would have 1.) considered lame or 2.) been too dumb to figure out for myself. Today’s challenge though is no dice for me.

Today, we are supposed to tie our blog to social media. Get it some likes on Facebook and pin it to our Pinterest boards. I am a FacebookingPinterestWhore just like any other, but my blog is becoming my sanctuary. You see, the anonymity of this thing is what makes it so liberating for me. I could be anyone, anywhere and those who read my stories can still relate. Besides, I can talk mad shit about anyone I want and not have to feel the heat of it. (If you read this post, you’ll know that I don’t talk shit ABOUT people, I straight up just tell them what I am feeling in that moment.)

There are two people in my “real life” who know about this blog. One is Man of the House, because he sometimes reads over my shoulder when I type and because I squeal with giddiness every time I get a new follower; and the other is a friend who writes professionally. I not-so-secretly hope that she will follow me and then someone who pays her money to write will suddenly send me a big, fat check for the brilliant literary work that I do. Although, I think that in the last sentence I just proved that I may or may not know how to correctly use a semicolon so my writing career is probably fucked.

So, that being said, THANK YOU SO MUCH for zerotohero. It is making my little nugget of an idea into a reality that I really enjoy. (Click here for lame musical tribute to my battle cry of a blog). I hope you understand though, that I’m just going to sit this one out.

P.S. Fuck you voice-to-text on my phone! I tried to voice search “indoor water slide hotels” and instead I got 1,000,000 results for “why does my ass hurt when I wake up in Eldridge Park.” As closely a butt-fucking and indoor water parks are, you just didn’t meet my needs this time.