There’s Gonna Be a Weddin!

So, my dad and step-mom have finally picked a date to officially tie the knot and on Labor Day weekend, I will roll my ass out of bed for a sunrise wedding (because they hate me). Their only request: that all guests wear a thrift-store purchased Hawaiian shirt to the ceremony. Also, Stepmom asked if I would pick up some tiki torches and lanterns on a string. Is this another drug induced matrimony, or am I being paranoid?

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So… I Might Be a Crack Baby

My parents have been divorced for 80% of my life. Trust me, this is a great thing. I actually spent a couple of years during my late teenage years trying to figure out how those two people could ever think that getting married, much less procreating, was a good idea.

When I approached my mom with the question she said, “Well, it was the late 70s and lots of people were using cocaine. Sometimes cocaine will make you do crazy things.”

I never have asked when that cocaine use stopped. I think I’m afraid to know…