I read a blog yesterday about a woman who said that modern day women should be more submissive and subservient to their men. Of course, this sparked a whole load of controversy because women have worked their assess off to be considered equal. About three weeks ago, I even spent a whole week teaching about the Women’s Suffrage Movement and the 70+ years between the First National Women’s Rights Congress and the 19th Amendment. We’ve worked hard, I get it.
Here’s the thing though. I really like “being submissive”. Especially in the context described in this article. The writer suggests that women adopt the ten following habits:
1. Have a hot meal ready for him- Yup. Even though Man of the House is retired and stays home these days, I still come home and make a hot, homemade meal almost every night. Yes, sometimes I’m tired and really don’t feel like dragging my ass into the kitchen. Going grocery shopping for all of the ingredients and doing the menu planning is torture. However, when it comes down to it, I’m the better cook. Also, I really enjoy making food for everyone. Sometimes The Boy will come in to be my assistant and sometimes I hang out in the kitchen alone. Here’s the catch though, if there’s a night where I’ve just had enough, so I bring home McDonald’s or tell Man of the House to order Chinese or eat leftovers he does it without question. He knows how good he has it and if his personal chef has to take a night off, he understands.
2. Don’t be a Prude in the Bedroom- This one is a two-way street. If it’s the right relationship, then there is plenty of communication about what is comfortable and what is off limits. Maybe some couples are perfectly happy with the same missionary thing each night. Perhaps others spend more of their monthly budget on kink toys than they do food. Whatever they do, it is definitely none of my damned business.
3. Don’t be a Nag- Don’t make me be a nag. Enough said.
4. Show Him Your Appreciation- Again, duh. What is the point of being in a relationship with the world’s smartest, sweetest, sexiest man if he doesn’t know how much you love it. Guys are just as insecure as girls are, maybe more so. Therefore, if nothing is said, he probably thinks your unhappy.
5. Follow His Lead- My favorite quote from this one “make sure he knows he wears the pants.” Okay, this one made me roll my eyes. How about, “be a partnership. Consider each other when making decisions?” Man of the House and I are both very, very independent with how we manage our lives, finances, schedules, children, etc. When there is a decision to be made, we usually consult each other for things that are not time-sensitive. Once the decision is made though, we don’t question what the other has done, we just accept that they are doing the best that they can. Even better rule for this one: Lead Your Own Life and Let Him Lead His your relationship is the place where your paths converge.
6. Your Career Does NOT Come First- Who is she or am I to tell you how to prioritize your life? Your career will likely not make you nearly as happy as your family has the potential to make you, but if you’re the type of person who needs to wrap up in a career, and your partner is supportive, go for it.
7. Look Sexy for Him- Well yeah! 29 days of the month, Man of the House agrees to have sex with me even though I’m disheveled, stubbly, and slightly smelly. On our one date night a month, I make sure to take a shower and doll it up a bit so that he has a visual memory to hang on to. It’s not just for him though, it’s for me too. I need to remember that I’ve still got the ability to turn a head or two.
8. Let Him Know It’s Okay to be Stressed- Not gonna lie, this one confuses me a bit. Are there women around the world telling their gents to “man up” when the going gets tough?
9. Marry Someone You Genuinely Admire and Find Easy to Respect- and this is the kicker, my friends. Far too often couples get married in their early twenties, starry-eyed and full of hope for the future. Not judging here, I did it too. I’ve learned though, that when you are that young, you don’t really know who you are or what you want. After my divorce, I realized that my ex and I just didn’t have any common goals. How can a relationship work if you are both going in different directions. Bottom line, if you choose your partner carefully, the other 8 suggestions from this article happen naturally.
Number 10 is all about, making sure your friends support you and aren’t all judgey. If you hang out with a group of adversaries who negatively critique you, submissive is likely the last thing you need to become.
So really, I don’t get the folks who take either side of this argument. Do what makes you happy. I don’t think that coming home from work, baking the family a cherry pie, and letting Man of the House stick his junk in my butt really causes Susan B. Anthony to roll over in her grave. At the same time, I don’t think she’d sit on the couch slugging beer screaming at the man in her life that she is equal and he needs to do more to make her believe he knows it.